Today is a much better day. i have decided to let my mother go. It's clear she doesn't want me to help her and I am not important enough to keep communication going. I was the last one to extend myself to her and in the end she hung up on me because I couldn't understand her point . So instead she hangs up. Very typical. It's so clear I am just an accessory. i look good on paper but she has not vested interest in me. i am torn between writing her a note or just leaving it alone. I would be the only one to benefit by the letter. She will just feel bad. I think I will leave it alone for now.
Life as a grown up is hard. Being a apparent is even harder. My younger son has mild learning issues but It worries me so much. it affects his self esteem and his over all growth. the frustrating this is he is quite brilliant. He is so creative and his mind is constantly thinking and creating. i often wondered if he had better parents would be flourish more? i think I am holding him back. i am not as smart of a parent as he needs. But I love him w/ all my heart and I just want him to be Happy. i just don't always know how to do that. i worry that he will not succeed in school,but what does it really matter? There are many successful happy people who did just OK in school. Why does he have to be an A student? i certainly wasn't. Why do I care so much. i just need to embrace who is is the way he is. i guess I am afraid he won't have as many choices in life if he isn't an A student.
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