Sunday, January 27, 2013

I feel ugly

I try to not care but I looked at my husbands facebook friends and I see these pretty young fashion girls and I can't help but think, why would he look at me and  think I am beautiful if he is looking at and friends with girls who are much more beautiful then me.

I t bothers me that I care. It bothers me that I put so much importance o how I want him eo feel about me. I should be more confident and secure with who I am.

There is nothing between us. I just told him I am going away with a fiend and I don't even think he cares too much. rather maybe he is happy that he will have more freedom to have me away.
All I want it to look forward to something and as much as I wanted to have alex fgure a weekend away together, i know I can't count on it.

I just want a weekend to be free to do what ever I want and how I want.

Maybe we should just have an open relationship. I don't know that we are even in a relationship. By definition we are in one but as much as a particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other: But doesn't have to be love.

I just want some one to love me for who I am and thinks I am the most beautiful person and spirit. I want to be understood and loved unconditionally.

Maybe that is what he wants too, but he hurt me and my soul and I just don't know if I can give that unconditional love back. It was there, I had issue with him but I never thought he would do what he did and it's hard to forget.

i am desperate for a distraction and something to make my soul feel good and to feel like a sexy woman. I may have to start looking somewhere else.